As If my awesome self could be in love!
by Hiinako
Summary: /!\ YAOI /!\ JiguIwa. Everything is in the title. PG. Romance. Humor.


"YOU are telling that you wanna break up with ME?"

I was speechless. My ears should have been fooling me, right? I mean… Did Genki seriously just jilt me? Wait.

I'm not anyone. I'm Jinguji Yuuta, so how can he _dare_ doing this? Without bragging, I'm everything he isn't. I'm sexy, I'm handsome, I'm charismatic… I'm almost the definition of perfection ! Then why would Genki, who is indeed quite cute but that's all, break up with the so-awesome-ME?

Does he know how many people would kill to be in his place ? He really is a fool. And he is stupid. After all, it's not like I won't be able to get another boyfriend. I can have whoever I want, either the Juniors who are about the same age as me, or the older. It isn't a secret that some of my lovely senpai, for example Yasui-kun, are fapping while thinking about me. Well, as long as I pretend I don't know it, they won't do anything; they are too scared of the consequences… But it's off topic.

What I want to say, is that Iwahashi broke up with me although I'm the perfect boyfriend for him. Well, he became more popular recently, he even got a mic during the press conference of the Gamushara J's Party while I didn't, but it's thanks to ME. If I wasn't trying to make him more confident since last year, he would still have been the shy and clumsy crybaby he was before. And he thanks me like that? Tsk, should be kidding me.

"What's with this reaction?" Genki asked. "It wasn't really as I expected…"

"As you expected? Then what were you expecting?"

"Nothing, I probably just misunderstood…" He was blushing, and his eyes were avoiding mine.

"Eh? But what did you misunderstood? I don't understand anything, be more precise !"

"I thought that you loved me, ok?"

Whut? Loving him? What does he mean by that?

…. I kinda like spending time with him, when we kiss or when we have sex, but love? I never asked myself if I loved him or not.

He is a good boyfriend ; he always goes out with me when I want to, even if I have to pout sometimes for him to accept, and well he is quite shy in public so I can't really kiss him or stuff like that but we have plenty of time to do it when we're alone, and it's always great. Does it mean that I love him to think like that? No, it can't be… It's so uncool and silly to "love" someone. It's like you're totally addicted to this person and… Urgh, how could Jinguji Yuuta be dependent on someone?

But in the same time, I feel kinda strange when I'm with Genki… Not in the bad way ! I feel… Relieved? Comfortable? It's like being by his side can calm my heart but… No way, of course.

I don't love him.

"Love? Are you kidding me? It's so unstylish to love someone! You're still a kid, after all… Thinking that, in this world, there is such a thing as love."

"Then, why were you going out with me?" Ow, he looks angry. "Only for sex? Or to boast about the fact that you have a boyfriend? Or… Whatever. Why ?"

"Why… I don't know, I thought that it was cool for you to be my boyfriend. I mean, you can learn a lot from me. And well, it's also quite enjoyable for me too, since you're cute and stuff."

Genki looked at me with a gaze I never saw from him before. Like, if his eyes could shoot missiles, I'd already be dead. For fuck's sake, what was that bad with what I said?

"Um… You're angry?"

"Of course I am ! So, it was because of these shitty reasons that you wanted me to be your boyfriend?"

"What's the problem with that?" I asked. "But no, it's not only because of that… I don't know why but like… When I'm with you, I'm happier than usual, and I don't know why since after all you're totally plain, but… Well, it's like that. Also I always look forward to meeting you and… I think that it made me wanna date you too?"

Gosh, and now I lose my words, I should look so pathetic…. Only as much as somebody as perfect as me can look pathetic of course.

… But hey, is this son of a bitch laughing?

"Hey, Iwahashi, are you making fun about my awesome self?"

"I'm not!" He was almost on the ground and still laughing loudly, but noooo, of course he wasn't. "It's just that… Oh god, Yuuta. What you just told me is called being in love."

…. Error 404, Jinguji Yuuta's brain stopped.

"What the fuck are you talking about? How can I be in love? Stop kidding me!"

"You always wanna see me, you feel good by my side, you find me more attractive than the others, and you don't know why because everyone keep telling you that I'm not that good, you think about me all day lo… No, forget, you don't think about something else than yourself anyway."

"Hey !"

"But I'm right, for the rest. I'm not?"

"You… Well, you're kinda right but since WHEN does it mean that you love someone?"

Genki was totally fooling me. Right? I mean, I'm NOT in love. I don't wanna look like a little girl dreaming about the charming prince or stuff like that. Eeeerk.

But on the one hand, it explains why my heart keeps tightening since the debut of our conversation and why my chest hurt so badly. I thought it was just because of the awkward situation and because I feel sorry for this poor Iwahashi to jilt me but… Oh. My. God.

"To be honest, I knew that you loved me." Eh? How can he know if even me I don't? "You're not the same when you're with me than with anyone else… You still try to act cool, but there's some kind of a sparkle in your eyes, and it really looks awkward, ya know."

"It's impossible !"

"Not at all… Yuuta, listen ok? I broke up with you because I was tired of your wanna-be-sexy behavior. If you were more honest, it wouldn't have been happening."

What's with this kid, seriously? Oh gosh. He is so stupid and kiddy and naïve and simple minded and stubborn and…

Oh gosh. I love him.

I love him and he dumped me. OK FINE THEN. I don't love him anymore.

… As if it could be true.

"Iwahashi…. Did you love me ?"

"Yeah Yuuta. I loved you. And to be honest, I still kinda love you. But I can't handle your behavior anymore; it's too painful to see that looking cool is more important for you than showing that you love me."

"It's not ! I just… never realized that well it was… love. But now I know, so you don't need to break up with me for real right?"

What with this tone in my voice. God, I looked so desperate, as if it could have been possible ! Well, after all Iwahashi just wanted to scare me, it's nothing big. And now that I told him I love him we'll go back to our relationship and…

"I'm sorry Yuuta. But I still wanna break up with you."

… Or not.

"I…." he looked so sorry and embarrassed, oh poor little thing. "I promised Miyachika I'll go out with him."

Miyachika? So I was right, I was SURE that something was going on between these two. They were so lovey-dovey recently; it was quite annoying by the way.

Aaaah it's frustrating. But I won't be depressed just because of that right? I mean I can still ask Reia out or anyone else after all, I'm Jinguji Yuuta. I don't need Iwahashi.

But hey... Are these things rolling on my cheeks tears?

Am I fucking _crying_?

"Yuuta, are you ok?" Genki sounded so panicked.

"You… You said that you loved me, right? Then why going out with Miyachika? I… I won't be able to… I mean… Please, don't break up Genki…"

I hope Genki will lose his memory because this conversation is giving a big hit to my pride.

He came to hug me, and I took a deep breath of his scent. I'll never be tired of it, and he doesn't even put any perfume, but I'm totally addicted… If we're not together anymore, does it mean that I won't be able to do that again?

"I'm sorry Yuuta… I love you. But I love Miyachika too… I'm not sure about my feelings anymore, and I don't want to hurt you in staying with you if there is no love. It would be unfair for you."

"It won't! I don't care if you love me or not… Well, no. I care. But it's not grave if you don't love me if you stay with me…" Sigh. "I'm sorry Genki, I keep saying egoist things… I don't know what to say, what to think… My brain is confused."

He made a little smile. I love his smile. Before today I never realized it too… Or I realized, but I didn't want to admit that I'm totally addicted to this guy.

I made Genki sad because I wasn't able to show him my love and I'm the one who is complaining… I'm totally the worst.

"Hey, Genki… Let me show you once again that I love you." He looked intrigued. "You can live your romance with Miyachika, I don't care. But one day, you'll be mine again… If you don't mind, of course."

It maybe sounds a little too pretentious? Well, I think he understood the message, since he smiled and kissed me… Whut? Kiss?

"I was waiting for you to say something like that. I hope this kiss won't be the last, Jinguji. I'll wait for you, but I can't promise I'll choose you… I'm too confused for the moment."

"It's fine, don't worry."

He smiled again and went toward the door to leave the room.

"Well, see you, Jinguji!"

Wait wait wait, I wanna say something cool to end this !

"Hey Iwahashi !" I called him and he turned back. "I won't… No I **definitely** won't lose to Miyachika, ok? So wait for me. I'll show you that nobody could EVER love you as much as I do… I promise you."


End file.
